This is a body that loves to move. It loves yoga and hiking and swimming and kayaking and horseback riding and cycling and gardening and dancing. (Oh how it loves to dance.) It loves to be both challenged physically and to swing away the hours in a hammock. (Preferably ocean side.) It loves hold others close, and to be held close by others. It likes to feel the sun on its skin, the wind in its face, and the earth under its feet. It likes to live life immersed in the world around it.
This is also that body…
The point is, through the years my body has changed. It has gained weight. It has lost weight. It has aged. It has gained strength and flexibility. It has lost strength and flexibility. Nature is like that, ever changing. And our bodies are part of nature. Regardless of the amount of space my body takes up, the force it exerts on the scale with the help of gravity, or the varying amount of ease or effort that it takes to do a push-up, those basic truths listed above have stayed pretty constant for as long as I can remember.
During my yoga teacher training I distinctly remember a discussion we had on how different people are drawn to studying and experiencing the world around them in different ways. Some are very academic. Some focus on spirituality. In the case of those of us drawn to the physical practice of yoga asana, we are drawn to study and experience the world through movement. Until that discussion I had never really thought about how my desire to move my body, often and regularly, had affected so many decisions in my life. I’m sure it is part of the reason I was inspired to change from the more academic study of medicine to the study of exercise science in college. It’s what pushed me to build my yoga teaching practice when our girls were young so that I could transition from a sit-all-day office job to the much more active role of part-time group fitness teacher and full-time toddler mom. It’s definitely what pushed me to become a licensed massage therapist when faced with the need for a career change. My body, and therefore my whole being, is happiest when it moves!
I have shared over the years how my own struggles with body image. (Those posts are no longer available, having been thrown in the digital trash can during a recent post purge.) Being a child of the ’80s and ’90s I was surrounded with the message that thinner is better, more beautiful, more worthy. At the same time I was living in a perfectly healthy and active body that was never, ever going to fit that standard and deep down I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from trying to get my body to conform. I grew up watching my mom and my aunts and my grandmas diet, constantly. Comments have been made, directly and indirectly, about the size/look/worthiness of my body for as long as I can remember. I internalized that judgement and negativity, letting it affect my self image and feelings of self worth. Admittedly, I have at times used my negative self image to rationalize stepping away from work that I LOVE when the going got tough and an easier path presented. Because who would want to take instruction/health advice from someone who looks like ME anyway?
The truth is, the only person judging the value of my teaching based on my image was ME. Yep, good old self-sabotage.
Fact is, I’m a darn good yoga teacher. And a kick-ass massage therapist. I teach with intention. I apply bodywork techniques with purpose. As a yoga teacher and massage therapist, I’m a little bit of intuition backed by a whole lot of science. I have put in hours and hour (years actually) of time into studying the human body and movement, and I will continue to look for new opportunities to learn how to best serve those who trust me with guiding and caring for their bodies through movement and massage for as long as I live. I am committed to creating an environment where all bodies, all abilities, feel welcomed, safe, and valued in my care. And I think it’s about time I include my own body in that invitation.
In just over a week I will be stepping back on the mat in front of a class to start a new chapter in the work I was put here on earth to do. I’m so very ready and excited. And this time around I carry with me a feeling of peace and belonging because after years of being told that by my students, my clients, and my peers, I finally believe it myself.
Repairing one’s relationship with one’s own body and the stories we tell ourselves about its beauty, its ability, its worthiness does not happen overnight. Nor does it generally happen without some outside influence by others. Here are just a few positive body image individuals and organizations who have helped me in my journey to stronger self love or who are working to help promote more body diversity in fitness:
- Body Image Movement
- Brene Brown
- Yoga and Body Image Coalition
- Food Psych Podcast
- Annie Brees
- Maintenance Phase Podcast
Do you have someone who inspires you to love your body and celebrate all the amazing things it can do for you? Please share!
peace,
Jenn
JMavin Massage 