Sunday evening I took my youngest daughter to a meetup organized by She Plays hosted by Verti-GO Athletics on body image and athletics. A great panel of women, all former college athletes and many who current coach or work in some aspect of the fitness/health promotions field, talked about their individual journeys navigating the challenges that girls face in terms of managing image and performance expectations (both real and perceived) and how that affects health, happiness, and body image. I didn’t realize that parents had been asked not to stay during the meet-up to allow the teens to feel free to share in a neutral, supportive and safe environment, but being as it is my hope to start offering similar opportunities for the young athletes at GR!T through regular social circles, I talked Erica into letting me quietly hide out of the way in the corner simply to observe.
It was a wonderful, inspiring 90-minutes. So many times I found myself nodding in agreement and understanding, having been on my own journey for the past 25+ years to find respect, acceptance, and love for my own body. Several times I teared up, hoping the 20-30 teens in attendance grasped what a gift these women were giving them. These types of conversations and networks of support have not been widely available to most of us who played sports, or who simply lived through our teens, in the years prior to NOW. Only in the past couple of years has the discussion of body image and body acceptance peeked out from the dark, quiet shadows to be more openly accepted and more frequently championed by a wider range of individuals and fitness/sport/wellness focused organizations.
Here’s a few take-aways from the evening:
While other women may be your direct competition in an athletic event, that does not mean we can’t still support each other in life! I was so glad when this topic came up because this has been a MAJOR mind-shift I’ve had to address myself. As women I think we can often see other women as direct competition for EVERYTHING in life. Success is defined not by individual accomplishments, but by the ability to beat another woman out to be the “winner”. I know that when I first started teaching group fitness, I was very much concerned with developing classes that would draw in the most attendees compared to others who taught at the same facilities. I thought I had to be the favorite instructor for everyone in order to have found success. Not only did that lead to burnout and resentment (and some self sabotaging that I didn’t recognize as such at the time), it didn’t allow me to serve those who I can serve best through my own authentic style. Now when I teach yoga, or even when I see a massage client for the first time, I talk to people about that I do not expect the be the end-all be-all teacher/therapist for everyone. I know what skills I have to offer and I am committed to continuing to strengthen and develop those skills to best serve my clients. Should someone need, or be looking for, something different than what I can confidently offer them, then I will be happy to help them find a teacher/therapists that better fits their style/needs. After all, my first goal in life is to help people along in the health journey. Sometimes the best help I can offer is referral to other practitioners who I trust and know will be better suited to someone’s needs.
Your weight does not define you. This was actually the take-away my 13-year-old shared with me when I asked what stood out to her the most from the evening. I found it interesting as she herself is quite slim. However as her mom I know middle school has started to make her more aware of how her body compares to others (because middle school is a HORRIBLE time in life), which has become more and more apparent through her social media posts and clothing choices when she knows she will be around peers. (Have I sad how much I hate middle school and what it does to our innocent little babies?) So many good things were shared by the women on the panel about how their (and sometimes coaches) misconceptions about weight affected their performance. Several shared how their efforts to drop weight, without any real guidance or understanding about how nutrition can affect performance, resulted in injury or the inability to perform to the level they were capable because they weren’t fueling their body properly. I also love that a variety of body types were represented on the panel, showing the young teens in attendance that bodies of all types were meant to move!
Having a positive body image and fostering love for one’s own body is a practice. This one hold so much power for me. In fitness you often set goals that have measurable end points. Wanting to run a certain distance in a set time. Being able to lift a certain amount of weight. Sport and competition, and quite honestly the study of exercise science, is often centered about measureable outcomes. You reach a goal, you set another one, and so one and so forth. Body image and self love isn’t like that. You don’t just wake up one day saying “From now on I’m going to accept and love my body” and that’s the end of the work. It’s a practice, like yoga. Because of my background in fitness, when I first started practicing yoga I very much had a goal mindset. I had goals to work towards being able to “master” certain poses. Yoga played along for a little while, I’m sure quitely laughing under it’s breath wondering how long I could keep up the striving before I realized that’s NOT what the PRACTICE of yoga is really about. For me it took a few injuries and one VERY tear filled conference experience to learn there’s sooooooooo much more to the practice of yoga than physical poses. It’s about presence and observation and acceptance and surrender and constant, open-hearted learning. Sometimes that practice comes easy. Often it does not. There is value and learning that happens at all the levels of ease or difficulty. Honestly, without having practiced yoga, both the physical postures and as an off the mat approach to life, I don’t know that I would be in a place to recognize the power in truly loving and accepting myself just as I am, now, today, in the this body. And that it is very much a practice, one that I will have the joy of getting to experience every day for the rest of my life.
No one is alone on their journey! If the 8 women on the panel and leading the discussion were not enough of an image to show those teen girls that they are not alone, those same women stressed over and over and OVER again that no one should feel as if they are alone. Not alone on their journey. Not alone in their struggles. The panelist shared time and time again how it was a coach or a therapist or a teammate or a friend or a trusted healthcare professional or a loving family member who helped them start to recognize when they are walking a dangerous path for their health and offered them support in seeking out support. Diet culture has for decades promised us quick results, in the comfort of our own home if we simply just follow their new, revolutionary approach that is guaranteed to give you the result you want. And while results may happen for some, for many others the end result is disappointment and shame when for whatever reason (such as genetics) actual weight loss results don’t measure up to those that were expected. That shame often causes us to further restrict ourselves from social gatherings, from doing things that we told ourselves we would do once we lost the weight, and from enjoying life. Which can cause us to feel even that much more alone. It can be an ugly, ugly spiral. The reality is, we are NOT alone. There are so many people, professionals, communities, and I’m guessing individuals in your very own social circle, who are there for you. Often you don’t even have to specifically ask for help, you simply have to be present and engage with those who help lift you up on a regular basis. When we do that, when we are around people who see us for the unique, complicated, amazing individuals that we each are, we start to believe that about ourselves as well. And that positivity starts to set a foundation on which we can build love and trust and acceptance and respect for our own uniqueness. And as that foundation grows, we start to invest a little more of ourselves in the process and slowly find the strength to reach out to those who can help us continue to believe that we are worthy, just the way we are on any given day. On the good days. On the not so good days. No one is alone.
Everybody’s path looks a little different. While all former college athletes, all of the panel members have traveled quite different paths through the years to get to the place where they were sitting on a panel talking to teen athletes about body image. And that’s okay. Everyone’s story is their own. Everyone’s story has value. And everyone’s story, just like everyone’s body, deserves to be heard/seen and supported. Because everyone deserves to live a happy, healthy, joy FILLED life. Period.
I am here to share my story with you. I’m here to listen to and support your story. There is strength in community, in coming out of the shadow of shame. Please, do come stand in the sunshine with me!
peace,
Jenn
JMavin Massage 