I came to yoga through fitness, the way many of us in the western world first experience yoga. Looking for an “easy” exercise option to help my body heal from pushing too hard for too long in my fitness career, I soon learned yoga was anything BUT easy OR simply exercise. I would have never guessed those first few experiences on my yoga mat would lead to over 20 years (and counting) of practice and study of yoga. Nor would I have guessed the great impact that study and practice would have on my being as a whole, far outreaching the physical benefits of more flexible hamstrings, stronger arms, and a greater ability to balance on my leg for extended periods of time.
My yoga journey, as I suspect is the case for most who take up its study long term, has traveled a winding path with periods of great focus and dedication, as well as plenty of times of little focus or attention to yoga’s teachings. I fully expect my journey over the next several decades to maintain a similar path because…LIFE.
I have often struggled to find comfort in participating in the mainstream western yoga community. I don’t fit the image. I don’t care to strive for the ability to do advanced poses to “further” my practice. And I definitely am not cool with commodifying yoga and the cultures from which is was born as a way to find success as a teacher. I have felt this way for years, having had many conversations over the past decade with fellow teachers and students of yoga about their similar feelings. I haven’t subscribed to Yoga Journal for over a decade now. I stopped following most yoga related social media influencers/accounts many years ago. I stopped trying to define my style of yoga through common and popular practices to simply teach in a way that was authentic to my own lived experience and educational influence.
Over the past 18 months as I have worked to reboot my career in the wellness field through massage and yoga, I’ve tried to slowly and intentionally step back into yoga specific places through social media and local teaching opportunities. On one hand, being back on my mat leading others through breath and movement felt like I had returned home. On the other hand I have increasingly started to feel the same frustration and internal struggle that made taking an extended break from teaching over the past 5-6 years necessary for my own personal mental health.
Recently I read the book Embrace Yoga’s Roots by Susanna Barkataki. It was a hard, emotionally charged read for me. It confirmed, from the perspective of someone who grew up in the culture from which yoga was born, how white washed, stripped down, and disrespectful what most Americans think of as yoga is to the richer practice that extends well beyond its physical components. It also made me question some of the choices I had made in my teaching practice, such as not using Sanskrit to name postures, in an attempt to teach from a place of personal authenticity and hopefully avoiding what could be considered cultural appropriation. I have sat with the discomfort over the past couple of weeks knowing full well that this week I was scheduled to step back into the role of yoga teacher through some local summer programming and social media events through my place of employment.
After much thought and consideration, I have decided to stop identifying as a teacher of yoga. Once my current teaching commitments have been fulfilled, I will no longer be practicing as anything more than a student of yoga. As I have shared with a fellow teacher recently, I will never deny the GREAT influence yoga has had, and will continue to have, on my life both personally and professionally. I will continue to study the broader practice of yoga for my own personal benefit. I will continue to weave the lessons yoga has taught me about self observation, self acceptance, and joy through the work I do professionally as massage therapist and wellness professional. I will continue to seek out, and encourage others to so as well, movement practices that build strength, endurance, flexibility, balance, comfort, and joy. I will remind myself, and others, to connect to their whole being through stillness and breathe. I will lift up others who are doing the good work of spreading the benefits of yoga to the masses while honoring the roots from which it was born. I will continue to embrace and learn about the rich cultures that gave us yoga, some of my very favorite foods on this planet, and amazing spiritual stories that have been used to explain the unexplainable.
I have always strived to live an authentic life. I think over the past year we, as the human race, have been presented with multiple opportunities for self reflection and growth. Some of those opportunities have asked us to step outside our own comfort zones and to recognize our own unique places of privilege. As an empath, I know that without setting boundaries I can easily get absorbed into feeling overwhelmed when I look at the enormity of systems that perpetuate harm to some compared to the small amount of change I am able to influence through my own personal actions and practices. I am learning, that for my own mental health and to avoid the inaction that can stem from a feeling of overwhelm, defining boundaries is a necessary step in self-care, EVEN when it means letting go of (or the idea of) something you love.
THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for all who have practiced with me through the past 17 years. I look forward to continuing to share with you, as simply a student of yoga, a lover of movement, and a totally nerdy massage therapist suggestions for living your best life, mind, body, and soul.
With much love and wishes for peace, Jenn
JMavin Massage 